#16 Chicken Parmesan

Trying really hard to get back on the horse. I figured I'd dig in to something I thought had a really good chance of being awesome enough to keep me excited about eating in spite of my ever deteriorating physical condition.

As that fucking retarded ewok Emeril would say "Boom!" or "Bam!" or something.

Chicken Parm, motherfucker. It's like an Italian American shrine to obesity, and as a man with a gut so big he can barely see his dick I felt like this was what I needed to do with myself instead of exercising. The Tat's menu says "Lightly fried, topped with Tat's marinara sauce & broiled with Mozzarella and Parmesan cheese." It's got chicken and tomatoes in it, how unhealthy can it be?

Here's where I've got to really apologize. There's no excuse for this kind of terrible photo in a classy piece of journalism like this. And there's only one sandwich shot. Truth is that I was embarrassed to be taking a picture of my food like some yuppie yelp-review writing fuckwit who'd rather tweet about a sandwich than eat it. Not my style. In the future I'll sacrifice my pride for the task at hand and get better pictures. Of course this looks more like a pizza in a bread bowl than anything else, and if Tat's steals that idea for a lunch special i want a free one.

This is kind of the Cap'n Crunch of lunch sandwiches. It was hot as fuck and after the cheese scalded my tongue the rock hard chunks of fried chicken scraped the roof of my mouth til it bled. Then I proceeded to devour the entire sandwich in a frenzied orgy of blood, meat, cheese, and sauce. If this was some secret attempt at aversion therapy to get me to stop eating like a disgusting pig, it failed.